Hello baby

This post is going to shock many people, but in a good way.

Recently I became a grandmother to a beautiful wee baby girl named Damaris.
(Yes, I am too young, but that's my business, thank you:)

Now, before I continue, I want clear up a few things because I know many will wonder.

Yes, I cried when I first found out.  Yes, it was hard news to take.  Yes, I was shocked.  And sad.  And scared.  Yes, I was worried sick.
I cried, and I didn't sleep and I was so completely caught up in my own feelings I failed to help support my scared and worried son in those first weeks after I knew.

Not a proud parenting moment.

Then one day, as I arrived at work bewildered, heart full of my own regrets, head full of bullshit stories about my horrible parenting skills, I confessed this truth to a colleague who ever-so-bluntly and graciously told me to basically get over myself.

BEST. ADVICE. EVER.

Not even kidding.  I needed that smack upside the head so bad because it turned everything around for me and I began to see this new development in our life as a blessing to be joyful about.  I mean, after all I was about to become a grand mama.  What a gift!  A baby was coming to bless us with the beauty of life and beginnings and love.  No greater gift on earth.

Opening up into that joy and acceptance was a game changer which helped my son open up to me about his fears and his excitement.  I became able to really hear him and be there as he poured out his heart.  I was able to soothe the fear or guide the uncertainty and remind him that there was so much love surrounding the baby and him and his partner, and they would be just fine.
That felt great.
It felt right.  It felt infinitely better than stressing or worrying about their future and all the roadblocks they were potentially up against.  It was freeing and calming and felt so good in the pit of my soul.
Which is what this whole parenting gig is about.
I have learned a great deal through this lesson, but really I have learned just one simple lesson.
Life is the ever present journey of walking through the peaks and valleys of trial and triumph.  We stumble, we stand up.  We learn, we forget.  We get scared, we succeed.  No one gets to bypass this truth, we are all doing this same dance, and if we can remember to hold each other up in kindness and love, while staying true to our own path we can do a much better job of helping others stay true to theirs.
This is never more evident, I believe, than when we are parenting.
The reality is we all have our own paths to walk.  We all must choose our own way to go and we must stay true to what calls us into greatness.  Children are the teachers whom we are here to guide and nurture, but we may never claim their journey as ours, even though it feels as though we own them because of how attached we get to their well-being when they are young.
We don't.
They are not our possessions, they are gifts on loan from the universe, here to teach us about humility and grace and patience and joy. Overwhelming joy.

They say parenting is a journey in letting go from the moment we begin, and it's true.  Heartbreakingly and heart-openingly true.  I wouldn't trade this ride for any other because most of all what it has taught me is to trust that everything done in love will always be fine.  Great, in fact.  And I cannot wait for the new leg of this journey to get underway...parenting with experience, time and pure love.
Being a grandparent.

Welcome sweet Damaris and congratulations Damon and Kayla.  I am so proud of you two beautiful souls and honoured to be walking these peaks and valleys with you both.