The things I know for certain: a poem about living.

I know for certain that trusting in the process instead of trying to control the outcome is frightening.
And I know that ego and fear makes it so.

I know that deep breaths and relaxing into my body keeps me here on earth and not floating into
the dark, black skies of my monkey mind.

I know for certain that creative people sometimes get really quiet.
I know it looks like they're doing nothing.
Like, they are unproductive.
But I know that isn't true.

Inside my brain is a kaleidoscope of furious, colourful thought about how to
be better, make better, love better.
I know that sometimes productivity needs to be the focus
and, sometimes, quiet thought is where productivity is born.
I know that my quietness scares some people.
I know that's ok.
Because I know that sometimes I just need time alone.
Everybody needs some time alone.

I know that walking and swimming and gulping in the elixir that is Vancouver Island air
brings my anger, sadness, judgement, fear, loneliness,
into perspective.
It calms my heart.  It fuels my breath.  It relaxes my monkey.

I know that stuffing and gravy and potatoes aren't certainly healthful, but they are soulfully comforting.
I know that so is chocolate, and I know that it's incredibly hard to give up dairy.

I know I can do hard things, like let my children go and grow into their own souls and
cut the cords from difficult people and
check into my own bullshit and be accountable for it,
without blaming others.
I know I can do that.

I know for certain that alcohol doesn't mix well in my blood,
even though it has brought me a lot of fun times.
I know that coffee is so damn good,
but caffeine, in the end of it all, is better left alone. (or maybe just for once-in-awhile's)

I know that babies are miracle workers sent to earth from the greatest source of Love there ever was.  And I know that trusting in the way things are is the greatest lesson.
I know for certain that I miss the people who were once here and
are now not here in this body incarnate.
But I know that when I need them
I know they are just right there, over my shoulder.
(probably having a glass of wine, or a mug of cold brew)

I know if I walk, eat chocolate, stay in my body and breathe,
if I walk, and think think think, be quiet, talk to my Angels, hug my children and
look deep into their souls,
I know then that my faith is strengthened.

I know for certainly certain and for certainly sure that creativity is my blood and bones
and I cannot live without it.
I know those who try to take it from me will float away.

I know for sure that I am still learning and that getting older is awesome.
I know the Western world may not think an older woman is desirable, but I know I never want to be that kind of desire for anybody.
I want to desire myself.
My truth.
Who I AM, without the mask, without the lie, without any apology for being who I AM.
I know that age brings me the wisdom of my truth, gifts me the grace of my heart and honours me with the glory of my being.
I know that I want all the humans to know for certain that they are loved! and they have nothing to prove, only light to give.
I know that right now at this moment I know myself better than I ever have;
I love myself better than I ever have;
I care for my heart better than I ever have and I know--I know for certain--that this feeling,
this knowing, this love and care--it is so so beautiful.
I know that this knowing will change and sometimes I will be confused.
I know that's ok.

I know sad songs sometimes make me feel so comfortable.
I know that loving people in spite of their flaws is everyone's job.
I know that this is the truth and this is the reason we are here.
I know we are supposed to heal our own hearts so we can heal other's.
I know that love is more powerful than hate.
I know it's hard to keep an open heart.
I know it's hard sometimes, to love, and I know it's easier sometimes to hate.
I know that fear is the reason why.

I know all that I know and I know that I don't know and I know that that is ok.

XO Dalyce/14

Hello baby

This post is going to shock many people, but in a good way.

Recently I became a grandmother to a beautiful wee baby girl named Damaris.
(Yes, I am too young, but that's my business, thank you:)

Now, before I continue, I want clear up a few things because I know many will wonder.

Yes, I cried when I first found out.  Yes, it was hard news to take.  Yes, I was shocked.  And sad.  And scared.  Yes, I was worried sick.
I cried, and I didn't sleep and I was so completely caught up in my own feelings I failed to help support my scared and worried son in those first weeks after I knew.

Not a proud parenting moment.

Then one day, as I arrived at work bewildered, heart full of my own regrets, head full of bullshit stories about my horrible parenting skills, I confessed this truth to a colleague who ever-so-bluntly and graciously told me to basically get over myself.

BEST. ADVICE. EVER.

Not even kidding.  I needed that smack upside the head so bad because it turned everything around for me and I began to see this new development in our life as a blessing to be joyful about.  I mean, after all I was about to become a grand mama.  What a gift!  A baby was coming to bless us with the beauty of life and beginnings and love.  No greater gift on earth.

Opening up into that joy and acceptance was a game changer which helped my son open up to me about his fears and his excitement.  I became able to really hear him and be there as he poured out his heart.  I was able to soothe the fear or guide the uncertainty and remind him that there was so much love surrounding the baby and him and his partner, and they would be just fine.
That felt great.
It felt right.  It felt infinitely better than stressing or worrying about their future and all the roadblocks they were potentially up against.  It was freeing and calming and felt so good in the pit of my soul.
Which is what this whole parenting gig is about.
I have learned a great deal through this lesson, but really I have learned just one simple lesson.
Life is the ever present journey of walking through the peaks and valleys of trial and triumph.  We stumble, we stand up.  We learn, we forget.  We get scared, we succeed.  No one gets to bypass this truth, we are all doing this same dance, and if we can remember to hold each other up in kindness and love, while staying true to our own path we can do a much better job of helping others stay true to theirs.
This is never more evident, I believe, than when we are parenting.
The reality is we all have our own paths to walk.  We all must choose our own way to go and we must stay true to what calls us into greatness.  Children are the teachers whom we are here to guide and nurture, but we may never claim their journey as ours, even though it feels as though we own them because of how attached we get to their well-being when they are young.
We don't.
They are not our possessions, they are gifts on loan from the universe, here to teach us about humility and grace and patience and joy. Overwhelming joy.

They say parenting is a journey in letting go from the moment we begin, and it's true.  Heartbreakingly and heart-openingly true.  I wouldn't trade this ride for any other because most of all what it has taught me is to trust that everything done in love will always be fine.  Great, in fact.  And I cannot wait for the new leg of this journey to get underway...parenting with experience, time and pure love.
Being a grandparent.

Welcome sweet Damaris and congratulations Damon and Kayla.  I am so proud of you two beautiful souls and honoured to be walking these peaks and valleys with you both.

Share

I do this "blogger" thing where I choose one word every year and try my best to let that word guide my process of doing life throughout the year. It's a cool and nifty thing and I'm getting better every year.

This year my word is light. 
The feeling I had when I choose the word light was (for lack of a more interesting way to say it) heavy.

I've  been going through  a lot of transitioning and shedding of false skins in the last three point five years. It all gets to feel heavy at times. 
I wanted to move into the light. 

So. I painted reminders on stones and on feathers and I tucked them into my studio.

Every time I create I see them and they help ground me to the notion of what "light" is. They remind me how I can choose to be light and spread my wings into joy rather than sorrow.  How I can choose to remember my inner light and that I am divine. How I can make light in the world by spreading loving feelings and laughing in difficult moments rather than mourning. 

The action of choosing one word and excavating its meaning has really worked to put me on the right path to wholehearted living. It has guided me to make loving choices in moments of fear and to find ways to help heal and honour my heart in moments of stress. 

It truly has helped me be more conscious of my life and has been subtly pivotal in turning things around. It was the small push I needed to begin living my life according to how I feel about it. And how I want to feel. Which is free. And joyful. Clear and kind hearted. 
I want to feel light (free, unencumbered, whole, buoyant, joyful) and I want to feel lit up (from within, a sacred flame burning strong in my soul) as though I am on fire with curiosity and a passion for goodness. 

Because life is full of goodness if you allow it to be so. And when you get closer to the light you can see it so much better. 

Normally this choosing of words is officially revisited and changed at the beginning of the year, but right now my subconscious is continually being poked and prodded by the word "share" and I feel like I need to pay attention to that, so I've decided to begin trying this new word on now. It will be in conjunction with my current word light, and it won't be full-blown focused-on yet but I'm going to start allowing it to permeate my days and see how it feels. 

Share. 

Share my heart. 

Share my art. 

Be light and open into myself so much I can allow others to see my truth. Allow myself to see it.  By sharing and perhaps by knowing when not to share. 

Because there are always two sides to every story. 

Thanks for letting me share:)

Ritual for my creative work.

Hello Friday Lovers!  

This morning I got to thinking about establishing rituals around my creative work.  For awhile now I have known that it's a headspace I need to open into.  Because I spend so much time entrenched in the world of linear thinking & doing (THINK: school, media, work dogma), I get easily distracted from staying focused creatively.  Creative work is such a free and open avenue & I seem to follow any intuitive spark down rabbit holes of forgetfulness and end up starting too many projects and not staying focused on just a few, or not getting my finished pieces TO MARKET so I can make some cosmic cash for the work I do.
I am so used to having deadlines provided for me that I find it hard to do it for myself, BUT, I also know that if I put my mind to something I have a great deal of inner strength to see it through.  The trick is to put my mind to it though, which is easier said than done.  So today I  jotted down things that spark intuitive inspiration while keeping me focused on the task at hand.  I have found that repeating things over & over gives our Monkey Brain a kick in the can so we can access our available power. (I LOVE kicking the Monkey Brain in the can).
Once we establish a routine that feels soothing & honours our need to be inspired, we are better able to get to it and WORK! Which is awesomesaucery in all its glorious forms.

Here's my sweet little list. Keep in mind, it is a work in progress and subject to my ever-changing cosmic inclinations.

RITUALS FOR MY CREATIVE WORK

-aura-cleansing, REIKI, meditation (for centering)

-mindfulness in my body and in this moment ( to keep centered)

-tea and incense (to set the core of my center deliciously on FIRE)

-feathers, or A feather (to remind me to stay free and loose; to be courageous and take a flying leap OUT OF THE BOX)

-a moment to free think/write/ create (to keep me OUT OF THE BOX & in my center)

-time to read (sparks my creative soul-fire)

-music of various types (this is like air for the soul-fire; helps the flames dance)

-wear cozy, soft clothes and be in a warm, grounded environment (to soothe me into my rhythm)

And sometimes...

-take a walk, stretch, plank, elliptical (to break it all up and crack it back open; keeps the soul-fire a-burning)

These are things I can do one-by-one or altogether to help spark the flame.  They get me in the groove and set me on a path to accomplish a task.  They will never be followed in linear order, but will circle around and evolve and fall away just as life does.

What would your rituals be?